~I'm tired~

As title..i'm tired..
Feel like hmm..what i'm fighting for..
I've been miss out many of the fren's outing/gathering quite some times..
reason why? becoz of work...
Not tat i really love to work..but just an environment need and force..
i found out no matter how much I earn, it will never been enough.
Of coz, ppl will ask how come not enough, save a bit sure enough la..
yea yea..i know that...but for a whole family, my salary is just so little to cover..
i've work on my best my hard to earn more extra but yet still its not enough..
I'm tired inside out..I'm envy see everyone can spend watever they want with their earning.
But i cant touch all my savings at all..i need to keep all the savings for cover my family.
cut off my rental,utilities and car, i really have not much left..somemore ptptn loan ..haiz..
How good if i can have magic to pop up some money..
I'm not the eldest but my job is the some others eldest suppose to do..
instead of me~ i'm not understand sometimes why it is me the one carry all the burden.
Anything happen, i'm the first in contact.
I really wish my home eldest one can get a real job as soon as she could.
Help to cut down my burden, help me to share my burdern but NOT to increase my burden.
1 feeding 4 is very hard for me please! i'm really tired..i wish i can sit like home as you.
not to work without day and night...
I really dono where can i get such amount of money to support, my salary is limit every month..
If she could think, then i'll be easier..perhaps nope...
Sometimes people say, experience makes ppl grows but why incident pull someone down till so terrible?
Is that an excuse for life to enjoy..no! it should not!
Please god, help me to wake this gal up..to think of her family...
if she not change, then i'll be the one in last go to the end coz of forces.
I seriously need a rest and not to work extra and extra to cover you all and neglect myself.